entry 14: stuff in my head
i love these pics ^_^ we took these june 11 i think 0_0... the last day of kit-san's wake ^^ we went to rockwell to get rid of the negative energy ^^ the more we were with each other the more we forget about the troubles in life ^^ there's something about this group of friends that seems like there's nothing else going on except of our moronic randonimity. ^^
oh look its chickieeen!! may he rest in piece/ in his case, pieces coz my canibal siblings ate him T.T
i dunno what i feel or what im supposed to feel.
pissed, sad, angry at the world?
shoot...
i just remembered that i havent had any dreams yet. its been soo long. things have just been clouding my head, i have no idea what to think. its been 2 months already since... blah... and im already scanning her stuff. i shouldve done this practically a month ago, bad darn those friggin school works! i kept forgetting... v.v....
the exams are now over, but why are these memories comming back? i know its not good to keep holding on... actually... i dunno if im holding on or im forcing myself to hold on... i sorta forgot that saddening feeling, ive been all hyper for about two weeks ^^ disregarding the recent event with my brother >.>... but why out of all the days, these saddening days are just coming back on a monthsary? ... >.>... damn it! i dunno...
my friend and i sorta had this reflection together, it was on the phone trying to talk about "stuff"... 0_0... ^-^... and we've also talked about how much we've "changed"... as in our group... one of them, ugh, we cant really pin point how she changed, but she has! physically and personality! but the violence isnt there anymore... its all talk... i miss the FEAR that once was in the group... well >.>... its still there... but... not with me ^^...and one other friend... she used to be entirely hentai-random, now, you could only see that randonimity in the stories that she writes...
me, ive been more emotional [curse this! i friggin hate it!] and ive been more open since... i used to JUST talk to nicole about stuff, and hide it from everyone else... now... there are 6 people who know about some of my hidden thoughts [evil laugh]... but frankly, i dont like being THAT open... hello! 6 people!... well.. i cant really avoid it... these people whom ive been talking to are those who want to get to know me better and who really trust me... so if i dont trust them, what's the point in trusting me? however, there are still some things that some of them dont know... like what im writing right now... i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY miss those days of great depression, that id sit in my room writing in my journal ranting myself to sleep, or ranting to keep myself awake... this happy-go-lucky childish like being that you've been seeing recently is just a cover... i very well know that is NOT what's really going on... but im NOT aware of what's going on... ive just been focusing my life on other people these days, and of course, partially my studies ;P
sigh... problems and other people... now THERE's another friggin irritating topic... my friends and i are practically somewhat "involved" with this moronic childish bickering thats been going on for the past month [not just august of course]... we know this other group of friends that are in crisis right now... we dont know wether they should make up or whatever... all we want now is for their fight to END! END IT TELL YOU END! coz in our group of four, two of us are somewhat close to the opposing rivals! im "close " to this person and my friend is close to that person. so... whenever me and my friend try to think of sollutions or try understanding the other person's side, we come up with blanks in the end coz they both have their own understanding in this fight. they're both hurt and what my friend doesnt understand right now is that that other friend is also hurting. but my friend keeps saying that her friend also hurt since there's two of them... >.> COMPLICATED! ugh! no one understands this situation! i only understand ONE FRIGGIN SIDE of this godforsaken situation! and i frankly dont want to dwell on it anymore coz ITS NOT MY PROBLEM! it doesnt concern me whatsoever and they know that! but NOO IM BEING BURDENED!!! BURDENED I TELL YOU!
freakin hell... now im pissed... >.>...
i just realized, my world revolves on other people's worlds... ^^ coz mine is a boring piece of _toot_... ^^
what once was there is now gone, but be assured that it will return...
ENOUGH ABOUT MY LIFE! how can i forget this issue??
THE EXAMS!!
GOSH! i hated the exams! grr! math was okay... except for that perimeter problem!!
how can i be so MORONIC!
MATH: the per. of a rec. is 86, if the length is 19 in more than its width then what are its length and width?
gah!!! i know my answer was correct but when i checked it... i was wrong!!! i spent 5 mins on it and there was practically 1 minute left! and it was only THEN i figured out what the hell was wrong with my sollution!!! damn friggin damn it!! i changed my answers last minute! and i dont even know if i wrote the correct answers! coz when i left the room the answers in my head were w=12 and L=13... I KNOW ITS NOT 12 AND 13! when i answered it at home, it was w=12 and L=31... holy friggin hell!!! i really hope i wrote L=31!!! but i have faith in my multiple choice answers *prays*
CL! forgot my friggin bible... thats all im going to say... ten points down the drain... 8% of the exam coz it was over 80...
FILIPINO!!! DAMN FILIPINO! i forgot what the hell the uri of pang-ugnay was! i didnt even know what the heck pang ugnay was!!! until the last 10 mins of the damn exam!!!
BIOLOGY: we didnt even discuss what the heck summer inactivity was!!
CAMPUS JOURNALISM: i regret not studying... and "gulden wheat" GAH! i knew it was gOlden wheat... gah! goddman oddity!! why couldnt it be unusualism??!! LABO KASI! and INK! the hidden word was ink!
ASIAN HIS: it was okay ^^ no complaints
HEALTH: another subject which i also regret studying for ^^
what other friggin subjects... hmm....
COMPUTER: i thought it was going to be a syntax error if the chart would end after a decission symbol.. gar, that was my first guess... but NO! I HAD TO ERASE IT!
ENGLISH: it was easy... BUT I NEED MORE TIME!!!
PE: i dont really care ^^... actually, i do... >.>... *prays*
CONCLUSION:
I FAILED EVERYTHING
death is only the begining
eventhough the exams are over, we still have MONDO papers and projects due on monday and we have TONS of quizes and presentations to do! gar! i have no time to research in advance.. T.T
sorry to those who're still waiting for their cd's ^^
oh look its chickieeen!! may he rest in piece/ in his case, pieces coz my canibal siblings ate him T.T
i dunno what i feel or what im supposed to feel.
pissed, sad, angry at the world?
shoot...
i just remembered that i havent had any dreams yet. its been soo long. things have just been clouding my head, i have no idea what to think. its been 2 months already since... blah... and im already scanning her stuff. i shouldve done this practically a month ago, bad darn those friggin school works! i kept forgetting... v.v....
the exams are now over, but why are these memories comming back? i know its not good to keep holding on... actually... i dunno if im holding on or im forcing myself to hold on... i sorta forgot that saddening feeling, ive been all hyper for about two weeks ^^ disregarding the recent event with my brother >.>... but why out of all the days, these saddening days are just coming back on a monthsary? ... >.>... damn it! i dunno...
my friend and i sorta had this reflection together, it was on the phone trying to talk about "stuff"... 0_0... ^-^... and we've also talked about how much we've "changed"... as in our group... one of them, ugh, we cant really pin point how she changed, but she has! physically and personality! but the violence isnt there anymore... its all talk... i miss the FEAR that once was in the group... well >.>... its still there... but... not with me ^^...and one other friend... she used to be entirely hentai-random, now, you could only see that randonimity in the stories that she writes...
me, ive been more emotional [curse this! i friggin hate it!] and ive been more open since... i used to JUST talk to nicole about stuff, and hide it from everyone else... now... there are 6 people who know about some of my hidden thoughts [evil laugh]... but frankly, i dont like being THAT open... hello! 6 people!... well.. i cant really avoid it... these people whom ive been talking to are those who want to get to know me better and who really trust me... so if i dont trust them, what's the point in trusting me? however, there are still some things that some of them dont know... like what im writing right now... i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY miss those days of great depression, that id sit in my room writing in my journal ranting myself to sleep, or ranting to keep myself awake... this happy-go-lucky childish like being that you've been seeing recently is just a cover... i very well know that is NOT what's really going on... but im NOT aware of what's going on... ive just been focusing my life on other people these days, and of course, partially my studies ;P
sigh... problems and other people... now THERE's another friggin irritating topic... my friends and i are practically somewhat "involved" with this moronic childish bickering thats been going on for the past month [not just august of course]... we know this other group of friends that are in crisis right now... we dont know wether they should make up or whatever... all we want now is for their fight to END! END IT TELL YOU END! coz in our group of four, two of us are somewhat close to the opposing rivals! im "close " to this person and my friend is close to that person. so... whenever me and my friend try to think of sollutions or try understanding the other person's side, we come up with blanks in the end coz they both have their own understanding in this fight. they're both hurt and what my friend doesnt understand right now is that that other friend is also hurting. but my friend keeps saying that her friend also hurt since there's two of them... >.> COMPLICATED! ugh! no one understands this situation! i only understand ONE FRIGGIN SIDE of this godforsaken situation! and i frankly dont want to dwell on it anymore coz ITS NOT MY PROBLEM! it doesnt concern me whatsoever and they know that! but NOO IM BEING BURDENED!!! BURDENED I TELL YOU!
freakin hell... now im pissed... >.>...
i just realized, my world revolves on other people's worlds... ^^ coz mine is a boring piece of _toot_... ^^
what once was there is now gone, but be assured that it will return...
ENOUGH ABOUT MY LIFE! how can i forget this issue??
THE EXAMS!!
GOSH! i hated the exams! grr! math was okay... except for that perimeter problem!!
how can i be so MORONIC!
MATH: the per. of a rec. is 86, if the length is 19 in more than its width then what are its length and width?
gah!!! i know my answer was correct but when i checked it... i was wrong!!! i spent 5 mins on it and there was practically 1 minute left! and it was only THEN i figured out what the hell was wrong with my sollution!!! damn friggin damn it!! i changed my answers last minute! and i dont even know if i wrote the correct answers! coz when i left the room the answers in my head were w=12 and L=13... I KNOW ITS NOT 12 AND 13! when i answered it at home, it was w=12 and L=31... holy friggin hell!!! i really hope i wrote L=31!!! but i have faith in my multiple choice answers *prays*
CL! forgot my friggin bible... thats all im going to say... ten points down the drain... 8% of the exam coz it was over 80...
FILIPINO!!! DAMN FILIPINO! i forgot what the hell the uri of pang-ugnay was! i didnt even know what the heck pang ugnay was!!! until the last 10 mins of the damn exam!!!
BIOLOGY: we didnt even discuss what the heck summer inactivity was!!
CAMPUS JOURNALISM: i regret not studying... and "gulden wheat" GAH! i knew it was gOlden wheat... gah! goddman oddity!! why couldnt it be unusualism??!! LABO KASI! and INK! the hidden word was ink!
ASIAN HIS: it was okay ^^ no complaints
HEALTH: another subject which i also regret studying for ^^
what other friggin subjects... hmm....
COMPUTER: i thought it was going to be a syntax error if the chart would end after a decission symbol.. gar, that was my first guess... but NO! I HAD TO ERASE IT!
ENGLISH: it was easy... BUT I NEED MORE TIME!!!
PE: i dont really care ^^... actually, i do... >.>... *prays*
CONCLUSION:
death is only the begining
eventhough the exams are over, we still have MONDO papers and projects due on monday and we have TONS of quizes and presentations to do! gar! i have no time to research in advance.. T.T
sorry to those who're still waiting for their cd's ^^
posted by: moi @ 7:47 PM
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