From Time to Time... I'm Actually Happy :)

This week was just a bitter taste and nothing like what I'm going to go through next week.

I mean, I've been so busy, tired, and lacked so much sleep that I couldnt even concentrate in class anymore. I mean, it's unbelievable. Even in math I've stupidly answer "DUH" items wrongly. And now, I'm going to pay it through my report card. I even mis-read items in Economics!! Nani wa kotta?! TT__TT

Now there's this gawdforsaken issue in the freaking classroom, that just 'cause my classmates were noisy my shit-faced adviser decided to take her frustrations out on the whole class through a QUIZ!!!

I mean, I know we only have a 4 year fucking difference, but I wouldn't even do that to any kid! I feel disgusted to have made effort to acknowledge her "friedship"... >_>

But on to the lighter side of this semi-hell week (this time not sarcastically):

Yesterday was the first day in the week where I didn't feel so crappy after leaving school.

After that quiz thing in math and econ, there was props making for english, then quiz for Filipino (which I did NOT study for) followed by that awful quiz in physics. But hey, I was calm... and for some reason, not all that pissed actually, because that was the day that I've been waiting for since the start of the second quarter: Meeting our Thesis adviser.

Now, see it this way. Last quarter even if my groupmates and I started early, we still ended up cramming all the editing and all that shit because it coincided with our Project proposal in Physics. So I didn't want that to happen again. Once we had our thesis paper back I immediately started with the editing and consultation with Ms. Hernandez only to find out that I was requested to wait two more weeks before she could give any more says in the matter.

And now, I despise the fact that we are required to submit the FINAL paper of chapter 2 and a draft of 3 on MONDAY and only after meeting with our thesis adviser yesterday. Who by the way, gave us an OPPOSITE approach to what our teacher advised. It was the track that we wanted and thanks to Mrs. Grafil, we'll be able to tackle statistics to compare Transmutation and Standard Deviation!!!

Not only that, Mrs. Grafil liked our topic!! Wee! If only we would execute the paper properly, we might stand a chance on getting an outstanding grade!! hahaha!! She TOTALLY inspired our group to willingly research hard on our paper.. and that's what makes a paper good. The fact that you WANT to know the facts that you are researching.

Because of our meeting, after dropping my stuff off at the flagpole I dashed into the library to look for books on our new focus. Talk about excited right? hahaha!

After getting the books I thought would help, I just felt so satisfied about making the right decision to choose our topic that nothing made me upset. Although I felt guilty for skipping an offer that on the inside made me sink so low.

But I just loved the fact that something was falling into place despite this scrambled world of mine.

Being harassed, NOT emotionally blank, and confuzzled with all the "blahness" isn't something you want distracting you especially since you want to make a difference with yourself--academically speaking of course...

Anywho. Disregarding the sprint to the library yesterday, I made it a MUST to go to ANY library just for our research thing. So today, We went to the National Library in Pasig. I thought it was this engrade building thing that I would regret to leave because there would've been so much to explore! But when I got there, I was just disheartened by the OLDNESS of their material.

My groupmates and I lost the urge for research and we ended up reading out of the books I illegally borrowed from the SPCP library. (NO.. I DID NOT STEAL!! I just borrowed without being able to pay for my fine yet XDDD). And after a very long silence amongst us--which killed me so XP--we talked a bit about the research and ended up talking about our personal lives. ahehe.

Or at least their personal lives.

I have to admit that I don't think they know much about me, except for the fact that I'm in Pauliworld and in Varsity chess. Other than that, my personal life remains a mystery. Gawd, they don't even know the names of my friends and I already know the names of their.... "special" friends. hahahahaha!

sigh.. it kinda made me miss my friends... I barely spend time with them anymore *sniff* and this week will just turn to not at all... *dies*

(And the crowd goes: aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww...)

Sigh...

I miss my Mom's cooking TT___TT... me is not liking take-out for almost every night TT___TT... hahahaha! random. -_-;;

So, to all of you... g'luck with all your school requirements! Whilst I on the otherhand will work on Cartooning, Layouting, Inferno-ing, Karilyo-ing, and researching hehehehe.

Au revoir tut le monde!



~stupidly~




UPDATE:

last rant because I just read a entry and I hate hate HATE this topic that's now eating me so shockingly right now that I really HAVE TO rant:


OMG. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THAT?! I know, I shouldn't be affected by it.. But, knowing that... plus the jokes... I mean... It's too much for me like you have NO IDEA!! You don't know how much I hide it and keep it to myself... NO ONE DOES, SERIOUSLY!! I HAVENT TOLD ANY LIVING SOUL AND DAMNED THE DEAD IF THEY TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!!... I dont like talking about it... not even to myself, even if I'm EVER SO FREAKING DESPERATE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS... it just makes me... miss "people" coughpersoncough.. gawd I feel so freaking weak. TT__TT... yeah, okay, I'm stupid for doing these responsibilities with the expense of missing out even just a minute alone. Or even a simple conversation would be nice once and a while. But to be deprived of it tortures me, specially that "YOU" get to be there JUST BECAUSE... I on the other hand need effort, TIME, plus to get over the hate of HER to be where I know at least I would be able to find something that would lighten up my day even if it's just a smidgen. Now you tell me THIS! I know it's not your fault to give me that random information.. maybe it was because from good intention... but really... I don't like the fact that I'm not there most of the time... you have no idea how saddening it is... compared to last year... gawd... I... I... won't be able take it like this... and now... I'M AVOIDING... which makes me feel WORSE.. Because I feel so damn guilty for being so selfish to run from a problem that I dont know how to fix!.. and everytime I try looking for what I'm looking for.. It reminds me of how guilty I should feel.. and it's SO distracting... seriously... GAH!! I feel SO STUPID to be problematic about this... but I don't know... that's what I feel right now and I think I shouldn't be... I dont know whether to care or not because.. I know I do.. I'm just scared because maybe I shouldn't... I DON'T KNOW!! I DON'T KNOW!! I DON'T KNOW!! I DON'T KNOW!! gawdreakin"kshbaishgdihbdibajsd"demmit.

And it tears me up so badly that I'm hiding all this.