Depressed-ified
Wow. It's been a while since I've blogged.
XD
~~
It's 7 am and I'm not in school.
Yey for free cut!! :D
I'd rather be home, distracting myself than start concentrating on acads when I know that my mind is going to wander around my terrible loss yesterday.
Chess is such a traumatizing sport. One move can make all tthe difference, and oh have I experienced the repercussion of my mistakes so many times.
Yesterday was the most "ouch". I was COMPLETELY winning. And I had to mess it up. Goddamnit!
She was losing with time and position. I can't help it but be totally and freakingly depressed right now.
During my first game, I grieved over my loss for almost a week.
I wonder how long this will last.
Every week, every game, I always hear "winning ka na sana" I can't stand it!! Gawdfuckingdamnit.
I can't even sleep right.
I set my alarm to 7 am 'cause I had free cut today, only to wake up an hour and 30 mins earlier with the position engraved in my head. I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried walking around to shake it off. But, I can't. It's still there.
I replayed the game from the position before that Fronda gal started to have hope for herself in the game. I really can't help it but see it in my head. There was even a hope for stalemate andi didn't even see it. If she made a mistake then ADMU would have a 3-.5... shet! puta shet! Damn you fear, damn you.
Coach was right to give me a sermon saying "Huwag kang matakot!!!" because it can really show and it can really be the cause of your downfall.
I hurts so bad. I want to cry if it weren't so mababaw. GAH!! super fucking sayang. God fucking damn it. God fucking damn fucking it.. fuck.
I'm so mad at myself 'cause I'm letting my teammates down.
I have no point 'cause I suck.
Gah! And there goes my confidence.
My gawd, when will this self-guilt-tripping end?
I don't want it to be tuesday. I don't want to replay the game. I don't want coach to get mad again. 'CAUSE IT SUCKS!!!
Gawd. Emo.
Lol. Sir Velarde's stat message was "Emo= Email mo" before. Hahahaha!!!
Wow. I bounced back pretty fast.
Oh well. Two more games to go. I have to win at least one.
Tapos pala kalaban ko UP and La Salle eh. Hahaha! ehehe... ~aha...ha~.. ha~ TT____TT
*knocks on wood*
XD
~~
It's 7 am and I'm not in school.
Yey for free cut!! :D
I'd rather be home, distracting myself than start concentrating on acads when I know that my mind is going to wander around my terrible loss yesterday.
Chess is such a traumatizing sport. One move can make all tthe difference, and oh have I experienced the repercussion of my mistakes so many times.
Yesterday was the most "ouch". I was COMPLETELY winning. And I had to mess it up. Goddamnit!
She was losing with time and position. I can't help it but be totally and freakingly depressed right now.
During my first game, I grieved over my loss for almost a week.
I wonder how long this will last.
Every week, every game, I always hear "winning ka na sana" I can't stand it!! Gawdfuckingdamnit.
I can't even sleep right.
I set my alarm to 7 am 'cause I had free cut today, only to wake up an hour and 30 mins earlier with the position engraved in my head. I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried walking around to shake it off. But, I can't. It's still there.
I replayed the game from the position before that Fronda gal started to have hope for herself in the game. I really can't help it but see it in my head. There was even a hope for stalemate andi didn't even see it. If she made a mistake then ADMU would have a 3-.5... shet! puta shet! Damn you fear, damn you.
Coach was right to give me a sermon saying "Huwag kang matakot!!!" because it can really show and it can really be the cause of your downfall.
I hurts so bad. I want to cry if it weren't so mababaw. GAH!! super fucking sayang. God fucking damn it. God fucking damn fucking it.. fuck.
I'm so mad at myself 'cause I'm letting my teammates down.
I have no point 'cause I suck.
Gah! And there goes my confidence.
My gawd, when will this self-guilt-tripping end?
I don't want it to be tuesday. I don't want to replay the game. I don't want coach to get mad again. 'CAUSE IT SUCKS!!!
Gawd. Emo.
Lol. Sir Velarde's stat message was "Emo= Email mo" before. Hahahaha!!!
Wow. I bounced back pretty fast.
Oh well. Two more games to go. I have to win at least one.
Tapos pala kalaban ko UP and La Salle eh. Hahaha! ehehe... ~aha...ha~.. ha~ TT____TT
*knocks on wood*
posted by: moi @ 4:43 PM
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