Not Everything is Peachy

Madrama akong bata ngayong araw na ito...

~~~

I feel like I've been stabbed. But I have no reason to feel this way.

I mean, I do have a reason. But it's just too shallow for it to be considered a reason.

I'm just sad for all the wrong things that I know.

I can't believe that it's happening all over again. And what's worse... Im distracted in school. I cant get math properly and I STILL suck at chem.

Sigh. I cant concentrate in class coz I always have this urge. This urge to go out and see what I want to see but then I just get so disappointed right after. It's like a bomb just hit me and I'm in the ICU trying to recover from the pain.

I know it sounds serious... but it really isnt.

I'm just being stupid. Really really really so fucking stupid about giving into something or believing something that NEVER existed.

This is what sucks about thinking too much. I think way too fucking much and I dont see things as simple as others do!! Why is it that when it comes to these matters I think of things that arent there? I assume too much and because of that I end up disappointing myself. I end up hurting myself because the things that I smile for.

God. Im being such a woos. Blogging about it just means I'm admitting it.

I mean, hello. This thing is public... The only good thing about this blog is that not a lot of people know about it. so... whatever. But nonetheless, I'm admitting to a problem. (God I'm so shallow)

I hate seeing people sad. I really do. I hate it when I feel that "I have a problem but I'm just keeping it to myself" aura. Or when you know that there's a problem but you're just not the person who'se being confided to.

I hate not knowing what's going on. And yet I seem to be so fucking uncaring at times. This time I want to be uncaring... but I cant seem to stop staring "at that direction"... and then feel pained.

I want to know things but I just dont have the damn guts to ask. First of all because it'll ruin so many things... disturb so many people... and I'll just end up dying if I know that my assumptions are wrong... Just like before.

Why do problems rise around the end of the year?! Ang labo!! XP I have to stop thinking about these things... will someone pull out my hypothalamus?

hehe. anyways. sigh.

I dont want to be happy if it will just end up hurting me.

Because that's the worst thing for me right now... even if I have other battles to beat other than my own. But I'll live and try to be peachy keen about things.

I'm happy for all the wrong reasons and because of that I'm devastated.