Selfish Bitch

Well, at least consider myself to be one at least..

But I can't help but think... am I really?
I honestly don't know. How would you know if prioritizing your personal life OUTSIDE the family is selfish or not? What if I feel like something is important to ME and NOT YOU? Of course, you wouldn't see it as important and you would think I'm selfish. You would ignore me for around two days before you would actually "forgive" me for my "selfish" priorities. So, what am I supposed to do now?

*if you're lost, here's the explanation. WARNING: LONG*

Last Saturday was a really stressful day.
I had chess clinic duty, gown fitting for a wedding, outfit shopping for Angel's debut, gift shopping for Angel's debut, see my summer lit blockmates who I so uberly love and see my brother off before he goes to the airport to the states. Everything was planned accordingly, I just wish people didn't have to be so freaking late.

That day, I gave up my afternoon clinic duty just to go with my dad and see my brother off to the airport by 1pm. I thought everything would go fine, but knowing my family, they left an hour an 30 mins later. That was around 2:30, in which I got into a fight with my dad through the phone about not going with him and my brother to the airport in fear of being late to go gift shopping with a friend.

Then gift shopping and outfit shopping for Angel took longer than expected. I wasn't able to find an outfit yet and I was already running late with meeting my summer lit blockmates, nor was I able to go to the gown fitting. And what's worse, I think my friend an I had a mini-fight with my friend na hindi ko maintindihan dahil sobrang labo ko talaga! Ang stressed ko nung araw na yun and I took it out on her (I think) and I'm so sorry.

BASTA, that day was sort of hell for me and I still feel sad about it.

We're okay now though, we made up minutes later. So are we and my dad... sort of...

Let's just say that he was still bitter about me not going and really showed it the day after.

At the end of shopping for the gift and one of the clothes that I needed... I ended up canceling on my lit blockmates and went to the gown fitting instead. AND IT WAS SO SAD...

Now it's a new day, and last whatever happened last Saturday was very messy. And it's okay to let it pass...

Which still begs the question: Am I really a selfish bitch? I gave up so many things for other people that day so that our schedules would jive and my day would go smoothly, and yet it still blows up on my face when they don't compromise...

I'm NOT saying that I should have been given priority, okay? I KNOW THAT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PRIORITIES WHICH ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY GODFORSAKING SELFISH NEEDS.

I don't know why I even bother. I should get used to not getting what I want and should be privileged when I do get it. so, AM I REALLY SELFISH?

So... I guess... yeah. I am.